Creepy (Potential) Roomates

I’m currently looking for a new place to live in NYC (this is David speaking, by the by), and don’t have the cash for my own place, which means scanning Craigslist and trying to weed out people with the weirdest postings.  Here are some of my favs:

• “Individual must be seriously dedicated and focused on getting a head: no slackers/ guests/ pets/ loud music/ smoking/ alcohol in the apt.” —- I think this was posted by the principal from Back to The Future… who says “slackers”?
• “I’m looking for a female roommate who will occasionally not wear clothes when I ask in exchange for free rent. No sex whatsoever required. Otherwise the rent is $780/month.” —- I wonder how many messages he gets from people who want to take the $780 option?
• “Everybody here is extremely chill and laid-back, so if any of those words don’t apply to you, it’d be best for both us if you didn’t apply and we weren’t made aware of your existence. (don’t try to fake it either; it’s pretty easy to make out who the closet wankers are.)” —- Are you sure you mean “chill and laid back”?  Maybe “judgemental and paranoid” was what you meant to write?
• “Awful room in awful apartment.” —- I actually really like this one.

-David