Nic Cage: Life Ruiner, Friendship Breaker, All Around Suckfest
Suzanne breaks it down for you, movie by movie:
Hey, did you know Nic Cage probably ruined my life? Well he did.
I consistently have fights with a close friend of mine about whether Nic Cage sucks completely or not. She once told me her favorite movie was “Adaptation”, and then in the same sentence said Nicolas Cage was the worst actor ever, and that she hated him. How can this be? How can one have some of their favorite movies star Nic Cage but totally loathe him? I was never that clear on how much Nic Cage actually sucked, until I finally lined up the facts…
- Knowing (2009) Sucks
- Bangkok Dangerous (2008) Sucks
- National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007) Sucks A LOT
- Next (2007) (What the shit is this? Of course it sucks)
- Grindhouse (2007) Great
- Ghost Rider (2007) Sucks real bad
- The Wicker Man (2006) Horrible
- World Trade Center (2006) totally abysmal and inappropriate
- The Ant Bully (2006) (voice) probably sucks
- The Weather Man (2005) God awful
- Lord of War (2005) Don’t know what this is, but clearly sucks
- National Treasure (2004) Eye bleedingly bad
- Matchstick Men (2003) can’t believe someone made this film
- Adaptation. (2002) Great (and yet stars not just one Nick Cage, but 2! How can this be any good!?)
- Sonny (2002) ?
- Windtalkers (2002) No thanks
- Christmas Carol: The Movie (2001) (voice) Lame
- Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) Really?
- The Family Man (2000) Sorry buddy, sucks, I know you tried
- Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000) ?
- Bringing Out the Dead (1999) Great
- 8MM (1999) Okay…
- Snake Eyes (1998) Entertaining?
- City of Angels (1998) Oh HELL no.
- Face/Off (1997) This movie makes no sense, so clearly sucks
- Con Air (1997) No can do
- The Rock (1996) Nope
- Leaving Las Vegas (1995) Great
- Kiss of Death (1995/I) Noway
- Trapped in Paradise (1994) Please no
- It Could Happen to You (1994) Classic
- Guarding Tess (1994) Wonderful
- Deadfall (1993) Yikes
- Amos & Andrew (1993) nuh-uh
- Honeymoon in Vegas (1992) Ugh
- Red Rock West (1992) Nope
- Zandalee (1991) Awful
- Wild at Heart (1990) Amazing
- Fire Birds (1990) Sorry
- Tempo di uccidere (1989) Fine I’ll give it to you
- Vampire’s Kiss (1988) No
- Never on Tuesday (1988) ha
- Moonstruck (1987) Awesome
- Raising Arizona (1987) Awesome
- Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) Awesome
- The Boy in Blue (1986) Horrible
- Birdy (1984) ?
- The Cotton Club (1984) okay
- Racing with the Moon (1984) Solid work
- Rumble Fish (1983) Great
- Valley Girl (1983) Great
- Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) A Classic great!
There you have it folks, that’s 12 out of 52 that are watchable. I conclude that he sucks once and for all. You should know that there are about 5 more stinkers in the queue up at IMDB. Chances are, Nic Cage will continue sucking for the rest of his life.
Thanks, Suzanne!
-Raphael
