This sketch was written by Adam, Dave, Jesse and me over the course of a couple days. For inspiration we watched songs from the Nightmare Before Christmas, “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid, and “Be Prepared” from The Lion King.
This was so much fun to write, we actually ended up with several more verses than we needed. Here are some of the extra stanzas that weren’t quite good enough to make the final cut:
They sure think I’m quite a dunce,
my son and daughter (stupid runts),
but I have saved for years (not months)
and now I’ll cash them all at once!
Look at all these I.O.U.s
Now it’s time to pay their dues
“Any household chore I choose?”
I choose them all! I win! You lose!
This one good for one free hug
I will make him hug a bug!
The bug will be atop a bear,
That will give him quite a scare!
And while he labors doing that
My daughter says she’ll feed the cat,
And the cat that I have found?
The most dangerous one around!
All this could have been prevented
If one gift they had presented.
And if they had really meant it,
I would have been so contented!
But all I got was disrespected!
Cast aside and then neglected.
Well, there’s a lesson to be had:
Never disrespect your dad!
See I’m not a dishonest guy,
But when they do not specify,
I’m forced to make s tricky choice,
And pick what would best fit their voice:
“I owe you one CD machine”
I wonder what “CD” could mean?
Cash dispensing? Car defending?
Cake detecting? Carl defriending?
Now here I have two guarantees:
“Will shut up” and “Will shoot breeze.”
If I request both things I’m owed
I might just see their heads explode!
Now you’ll build me pyramids!
That is why I reared you kids!
Since I’m such a super guy,
Erect a statue ten feet high!
All these coupons signed in pen,
I’ll never have to work again!
All these years I’ve planned and schemed
And now it is time to REDEEM!
