Reject’d by Urban Dictionary

If you don’t already know, Urban Dictionary is an online slang reference guide created by user submissions.  It has always been my hypothesis that there was absoluteley no approval process to determine which terms/definitions were legit and which weren’t.  Examples:

Christmas Boner
The strange erection you get on Christmas morning due to the excitement of opening presents or the thought of opening presents.

Usage: I got a Christmas boner when I saw a huge present by the tree that was for me.

and

Kwanza Klause
A tall skinny black man that comes into your house during kwanza, and plays the bongos.

Usage: I walked downstairs last night, and to my suprise, Kwanza Klause was playing the bongos.

So in celebration of the holidays, I decided to submit some terms/defintions of my own.  But get this — they f#@%ing rejected them!  So here they are for the world to see:

• Christmas Bong

A bong made out of gingerbread that’s been decorated with ornaments, tinsel, and lights.  Usually uses eggnog in place of bong water and a bowl-stem made out of candy canes.

Usage: Dude, I know you’ve got the munchies, but don’t eat my dope-ass christmas bong.

• Hannukah Handjob

When a girl gives 8 different guys a handjob simultaneously. 4 in each hand.  For 8 nights in a row.

Usage:

JP: Hey, can I be in the hand with Tony and Marcus tonight?
Kenny:  You were with them last night!
Rick:  Can we please just get this over with, I have other things I want to do.
Cindy:  I don’t know why I ever agreed to this Hannukah Handjob.

• Kwanz Solo

A character from the 1982 Blaxploitation film, “Black Star Wars”.

Kwanz Solo: I am Kwanz Solo. Captain of the Blackenium Panther.  Chewblacka here tells me you’re looking for passage to the Nigerian System to fight Dark Hater and save Princess LaKisha.
Nubian Kenobe: Yes, for me and my droid — R2-DJ.
R2-DJ: (record scratching)

-dave