OldeEnglish.org
Jul 24

New Rock Paper Scissors Moves

At July’s Very Fresh, Raphael presented his custom expansion pack for Rock Paper Scissors. For those of you who couldn’t make it to New York, he blogged it. And for those of you who don’t read his blog, I’m reblogging it. - adam

boringoldraphael:

As everyone knows, Rock crushes Scissors, Scissors cuts Paper, and Paper covers Rock, but there are other moves in Rock, Paper, Scissors that can really improve your game.

Water

Water rusts scissors, Paper cleans up Water, and Water and Rock just kind of coexist, that’s a tie.


Critic

Critic pans Rock as derivative, Scissors edits Critic, Critic drinks Water, and the Paper lays off Critic for drinking too much company water (times are tight for print journalism).


Nicolas Cage

Cage escapes from The Rock, swims across Water, gets face cut off by Scissors, uses Paper to find hidden treasure, and has a thriving career in spite of Critic.


Monster

Monster eats Nicolas Cage, Monster drinks Water, Monster eats Paper, Monster eats Scissors, and Monster eats Rock. Critic calls Monster unrealistic, then Monster eats Critic. Then Monster feels bad about eating so much and cries for a little bit.


Monster’s Best Friend

Monster’s Best Friend tells Monster, “No, you’re not fat!” but secretly thinks Monster is fat.


Cute Boy Monster Goes To School With

Monster’s Best Friend asks Cute Boy if Cute Boy likes Monster. Cute Boy says he likes Monster, but doesn’t like like Monster. Monster gets sad and eats Cute Boy. Inside Monster’s stomach, Cute Boy says: Hey, is that Nicolas Cage?

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