OldeEnglish.org
May 13

Have you guys heard about this new product from Domino’s? Looks kind of awful, but also kind of great, right? Last week at our monthly show Very Fresh, Dave dared me to eat three in one hour, live on stage (and backstage while other comics were performing). Here is some nutritional information on what I attempted to do:

4380 calories
250% daily recommended fat
420% daily recommended saturated fat
360% daily recommended sodium
Twice daily allowance of carbs
210% daily allowance of calcium

My strategy was to not pace myself and cram as much food down my throat as fast as possible before my body realized what I was trying to do it. My first course was pasta primavera, because it has vegetables so I decided it was like a salad. Then I had a three-cheese macaroni and cheese. You know, for protein. And then, uh, another three-cheese macaroni and cheese.

When I first opened the boxes, I thought, oh yeah, I can get through all three of these no problem, these aren’t that big, but about halfway through my second one I totally crapped out. In the end I only got through two and I thought I was going to die. Apparently, each dish is supposed to be enough for two people, so I ate enough for a small family.

We’re doing two Very Fresh shows next month — a special all sketch show for the New York sketchfest on Thursday, June 11th, and then our normal show on Friday, June 26th. Come check us out!

- Raphael

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